Today, it really became clear that the situation is affecting all of us. This blog has provided some measure of "control" or at least I've felt by describing this experience honestly, I have some control.
But, some days, you cannot hold it together. I cannot keep observing the moment and being in the moment.
In rereading the blog, I hear the different voices I use for each situation: my attempts at sagacity and control, my frustration and anger, my laughing at and pitying myself, and my efforts to laugh at both the important things, as well as the many inconsequential things that others take so seriously.
But some days, children are too demanding, men are clueless, it's hot and I forget to breathe. In fact, I don't remember to breathe until it's all over. So I blow up.
And then, for the first time since I've been sick, I'm weeping. I'm making loud sobbing sounds. I can't make the effort to hide it.
Happily this episode is short. MyKid gives me a hug. MyMan tells me to rest and cool off.
Everything's back to normal in a few minutes.
But, not before I apologize for blowing off steam.
Not before I scare them a little, which is the one thing I've tried to prevent. Because if I'm laughing at the situation, then everything's really ok, isn't it?
Even if your face is round as a fishbowl!
In the end, the boys go off for a fishing expedition (really). And I recoup. I sleep. I read.
And the rest of the day is ok...I guess they don't know which one of me is going to pop up next...
Yet another gift of the prednisone.
Focus on your total recovering, allow yourself to recover, give yourself just a few seconds of relief, give yourself the shortest possible pause in your anxiety, pain, or distress. Weeping is also good. I am glad you belong to that fine and select group of people that can still weep.
ReplyDeleteI am here, I am reading!
The very best always, Wagner